Why you might think I'm a jerk

Online discussions are tough. It's pretty well known that no level of emoticon usage can properly convey the tone with which a comment is intended, but there is more to it than that.

I have always been driven mad by people that express opinions when they are ignorant of facts. That very sentence is inflammatory - have I offended you yet? The problem I find is that people will read a sentence like that, and they instantly make a couple of assumptions.

1. I am talking about them.
2. I am not including myself

In fairness, I have been accused of arrogance in the past. Mostly by my wife. It's a criticism that makes me uncomfortable, but I can't deny that is is often true. As the saying goes, "I'd rather be a smartass than a dumbass".

Ignorance might be bliss for the ignorant, but for the rest of us it's a right fucking pain in the arse :)
— Ricky Gervais (@rickygervais) October 13, 2013

That being said, I hope that people have a little more patience with me. If you know me in person, and not solely online, I don't think I come off as quite so smug. Admittedly, I do tend to forget that others dislike having their opinions challenged, whereas I do not. I will frequently disagree, but I rarely take it personally.

Disagreeing online, especially on Facebook, is an entirely different proposition with unique challenges. Usually I will avoid it because I know that people posting are usually expecting their "status post" to be just that; a one-way message letting people know where they are, having their friends respond with "likes", either via the "like" button itself, or with verbal "attaboys" or "we're praying for you" or "wow, I can't believe that happened". Sometimes, though, people post and they are actually soliciting feedback. If I believe this is the case, then there is nothing I love more than a good online discussion.

I try to live by a few rules in these discussions. Some of them are to prevent me from looking like a jerk, and others prevent me from looking like an idiot. Sometimes these are at cross purposes, and I have to choose which it's going to be. The medium itself often dictates the result, but if you are having trouble understanding why something I said is either dippy or douchey, here's why:

1. Say what you have to say with as few statements as possible.
   When I am reading a discussion and one particular person is going on and on, I often only read the first sentence to see where they are going. Facebook makes this necessary by truncating longer comments. If you can limit your reply to a single point, do it, even if it means that something important is left unsaid. You can always elaborate later on.
   
   There are problems with this strategy. Firstly, Facebook is not a true real-time medium, and so it may be a while before someone returns to the conversation, if ever. You have to accept that your case my remain unfinished. If it does, then there was not enough interest in the first place. Secondly, you can come across as being harsh and unsympathetic. This is because you are leaving out phrases like "with all due respect", or "I see you point, but...". To be honest, I find these kinds of phrases to be patronizing, so I don't like them anyways. We are all grownups, so you should assume that whatever I say is meant with respect and that I am trying to understand your point of view - I shouldn't have to reiterate it.
2. Support your argument, but don't paraphrase your evidence.
   If you have data backing up your point, I am positive that somewhere on the internet is a reliable source that contains information. When you describe the information yourself, it is difficult for readers to determine what is data and what is your interpretation of the data, and they should assume it is all interpretation. If you use a quote, quote it exactly and indicate who said it and where it can be confirmed. Don't make me use Google to confirm your points - I'm going to assume that you just made it up. However, if I am really interested in the discussion I will have no problem clicking on a link to read what you are talking about. Also, links usually take up less discussion space, so you can avoid being truncated (see point number 1).
   
   
   
   
   The downside of this is that some people don't want to put in the effort to read any external sources. They're not lazy - the argument just isn't important enough to them. They also may find this a bit colder than hearing you present it in your own voice: think about the difference between reading a history book versus sitting on Grandpa's lap and hearing a story. Again, if they are interested in really knowing truth, they will understand that Grandpa may not be the most reliable source.
   
   
   
3. Do not attack ad hominem.
   Bad ideas are usually based on incorrect data. Incorrect data is usually believed by well-meaning people. You and I are both parties who are exposed to a lot of data, often incorrect, and it is typical to assimilate some of this information because we can't tell the difference. We need to attack bad ideas and flawed epistemology, not the people who hold to these. I'll be honest, I am often guilty of breaking this rule: usually not directly, or even intentionally, but in a passive-aggressive manner that I don't even recognize myself. Not like, "you're an idiot", but more like "anyone who believes x is an idiot."
   

   

   For more Mimi and Eunice, go to http://mimiandeunice.com/

   
   This is a very fine line to walk. People often have really strange reasons for believing the things that they do, and it is hard not to inadvertently make comments that get personal. People see "that thing you just said is not true, and here is the proof" as "you're a liar and I won't listen to you." Add to this the fact that a lot of people identify themselves by their ideas, and so an attack on the ideas is seen by them as a personal attack, even when it isn't. If I have done this to you, I am sorry. But please look closely at my comments, and make sure that you didn't read something into them that isn't there. I am, for the most part, a very confident writer, and I don't think that people should assume I am putting them down when I am really just trying to make myself look good.

One of my phavourite philosophers.

It was the great Canadian philosopher, Marshal McLuhan who said "the media is the message". McLuhan died before Facebook became a thing, but I bet he wold have had a field day reviewing the changes in culture, language, and ideas that have been brought on by social media in general. Facebook has different attributes that are not the same as Twitter or Pinterest, although they are all about expressing ideas. One of the reasons I started writing this blog was because of the limitations of Facebook. I love discussions, but I cannot express my thoughts adequately on Facebook, so here I am. If anyone finds my thought interesting enough to read more than 140 characters by me, they won't mind following a link to see this. And maybe when the see how much more eloquent I am when not trying to condense my arguments into a little box, they might realize that I am not such an arrogant jerk.

Unless I really am. If so, I'm sure my wife will tell me.